Monday, June 25, 2012

Does My Bum Look Big In This?

Well, I can't hide from it any longer ... my debut as a magazine model has hit the shops. (I haven't been out the front door since last Thursday.) I have to say I was a little gutted. The magazine appears to have cut out many of my well-practised poses:

  • "Where are we?" (Shrugs shoulders and holds hands up in air.)
  • "Look at that fine view over there!" (Right hand on right hip, left foot forward, with left hand pointing, and index finger stretched to uppermost limit.)
  • "Which way now?" (Left hand cups right elbow, whilst thumb, index finger and middle finger of right hand cup chin, and left eye is closed for extra 'pondering')

 In this photo, Rachel and I are actually walking the wrong way! The route description that I provided has readers walking up to the church, not down from it. Oh, this magazine production lark is all smokescreens and mirrors it seems!

In the photo at the top of this page, Rachel and I actually walked this bit of the path five times so the photographer could get the shot he wanted (and I have to say, it's a great shot showing what sunny weather we always (ahem) have in Shropshire). Sadly, in the photo at the bottom I obviously moved, because that blurred left leg is mine. Having said that, of course it should be clear that readers should be looking at the early flowering purple spotted orchid in the foreground (which I happened to spot), rather than my left leg. Hmmmm. Do you think I ought to insure my legs now?

Anyway, I have to go now. Naomi Campbell is on the phone and Kate Moss is at the front door. Apparently my unfashionable looks and appearance are just what a  model needs to emphasize their own beauty.

(Normal service will be resumed in next week's post.)

And if any of you ever get the opportunity to be a magazine model, I have five words for you:

Go for it! Good luck.